So just back from the rugby with some friends from college and Ulster lost…again. They didn’t play badly really but the ref had a nightmare.
What was more important though was getting to hang out with friends, some who I don’t know when I will see again. Its times like that when you think its important to really appreciate every moment.
I often take friendships for granted. Its the people I see every day who just become people who are part of my life but I don’t really appreciate who they are, what makes then unique. Sometimes I fall into that trap and it sucks because esentially I just use them to make myself feel good. I like their personalities but really I like them because they make me feel loved or important. My problem is I don’t really give much back. I take without giving.
I think we need to get our affirmation of who we are at the deepest level from God. When I look to other people for that I end up trying to control what my friends think of me, which just messes me up. I want the freedom from knowing that it isn’t important to make sure that every one likes you, that every one thinks you are great. You can’t manipulate people to love you because thats not real authentic friendship.
So I want to be a friend who loves because I can, not for what I can get out of it, because at the moment I need affirmation from my friends more than I’m willing to give it.