I like to write but most of the time I don’t feel like it.
I like to blog but at times, like right now, I just can’t be bothered. I have no motivation whatsoever. This guy I am not
That sucks when something you enjoy doing is not appealling. I have that feeling and I need to figure out why.
And I think I know.
I hate that word so much. Mostly because I severely lack in that department. Reading the Bible, praying, revising, practicing the piano, all these things we are told are good for us, are not interesting to me most of the time.
And I don’t have the discipline to write. But I want to.
Right now I am writing but I want to stop. I think what I am writing is crap and quite possibly it is. These are the thoughts I get when I am trying to become disciplined at doing something. “I don’t want to”, or “I’m not good at it”, or “I don’t feel Jesus’ presence” or “I am bored out of my skull”
I am writing this sentance and I have written all the previous ones but there is something in me which is telling me to stop and go on to facebook instead.
And I don’t even know what it is keeping me going. But somehow I am. Something is telling me to stop but the voice telling me to keep going is somehow winning.
And that folks is all I have for you. I don’t have some nugget of wisdom to give you on how to become disciplined. I am the wrong guy for that.
But maybe the point of discipline is that we need to just keep going. Maybe it won’t be pretty. Maybe it will be hard and there will be sweat and blood (though if there is I think you are definately doing something wrong) and tears.
Maybe we need to start small and build instead of thinking we need to pray 24 hours a day, or read the whole Bible in a year or learn that piece of music all in one day or whatever.
All I know is that discipline is good. It’s important. It is healthy. We grow from it. We learn about ourselves and others from it. But God is it hard.
Maybe its supposed to be hard. Maybe I am just undiscplined. Maybe you think it is easy.
What works for you? How do you get out of that rut where you simply don’t want to?