I’m a quitter.
There I said it.
I don’t like seeing things through. When something gets tough I take the easy route and bail. It’s easier. It means no emotional involvement and it means not having to face yourself. Which may be a good thing short term but not so much in the long term.
Take writng for example. Already I have started to write something three times and deleted it all because I thought it was rubbish. Which it may have been. But the truth is I just wanted to stop. Close my computer and go and do something else. Not have to deal with the part of me that tells me I need to write.
Does that happen to you? If you are a human reading this then I am pretty sure the answer is yes. Maybe not writing but maybe following a dream, or an opportunity.
How often do we give up on the first sign of trouble. Or even the second or third. The first time something we are working on doesn’t quite work out the way we hoped. Or had in mind. The job interview we ballsed up or the song or the book. In our head we had this idea that it would be amazing first time. That it would come together the way we imagined right away.
But that never happens.
We want to find our own individual voice but we feel like we are speaking for someone else. That’s how I feel most of the time I write. I am still searching for that. I am still searching for what will make how I write, my writing. Most of the time I feel like I am just rehashing old ideas. Even my own ideas.
So I want to quit. I don’t want to be fake or copy someone. I pretend that quitting is noble. But it isn’t.
But if I give up I will never find my voice. I will never find out what it is I was meant to do. Sure going ahead may mean I will sit and stare at a blank screen frustrated and confused. But if I give up I will never get through that. If I walk away I may feel better, but sooner or later I will be called to write again. And when I do I will go through the same motions.
So how do I stop that cycle?
I have to. I have no other choice. If I don’t I will grow more and more frustrated. And if I do keep going?
Eventually I will get there. There may be a lot of typing and deleting. But I will get there. I have to. You have to. We have to.
The alternative is not worth thinking about. Or maybe it is.
What if Shakespeare had given up? What if Michelangelo didn’t push through his sore neck painting the Sistine Chapel roof (what a pain that must have been?!)
There are two people who would have missed out.
First, themselves. They would not have experienced the joy that fulfilling their purpose brought.
Second, everyone else. Their work brought and continues to bring happiness, inspiration and motivation to the world.
Don’t deny us your work. Don’t deny yourself.