There aren’t many things harder than realising you are wrong. That you screwed up. That you were a jerk. That you aren’t everything you thought you were.
Well actually there is. Admitting that to someone else. Specifically the person you wronged.
So I set about writing a letter to a friend from school that I had been a complete and utter jerk of the highest proportions to. Someone who I would have considered a best friend at one point. And someone who I rejected and made feel like crap. This isn’t the place to go into details but know that I really was a jerk.
And saying sorry is a risky thing to do. Because you don’t know how the other person will react. Will they accept it, will they have moved on and not care anymore or will they be angry that you even have the audacity to think you can fix the situation?
All things that I have considered. Of course reconcilliation at some level is our desired outcome but what if it doesn’t happen that way. What if we do get burned? Does it matter? Is just making a move the important thing? Or for closure, does it require both parties to come together?
My mind says I did the thing that was important. I made a move. My heart however tells me that isn’t enough.
To be honest at this moment I just don’t know. Peacemaking is a tricky business which makes me glad that there are people far better than me who work daily in places and in sitautions where reconcilliation is a tricky business.
What about you? Have you ever said sorry and not got the response you desired? Or did it all end in a happy ending?