A couple of days ago I was thrilled to see that Louis Theroux had made another tv show with the Phelps family, for the BBC. If you don’t know who they are, imagine the Waltons, and then imagine the exact opposite.
You’re kind of close now.
They’re famous as the ‘church’ from Topeka, Kansas who essentially claim to be the only ones on earth who truly know God. They picket the funerals of soldiers. They hate everything that isn’t them. Everything and everyone else is wrong.
But where they are really at home is when they get to wave around their ‘God hates…..’ plackards.
We hear a lot about God’s love for all of his creation. Cool. But what about the things that God hates. I for one am glad that they can enlighten us.
But sadly for every ‘God hates Sweden’ (no, I’m not kidding. They obviously haven’t tried Ikeas meatballs), there have been hundreds of ideas that haven’t reached the sign making stage.
But today I can exclusively reveal some of the ones that didn’t make it past the cutting board.
1. God hates pigeons
Sure, God made puppies and bunnies and butterflies but he won’t take ownership of the pigeon. That one is truly of the devil. Sorry but it’s true. And if you’re still using pigeons to send messages maybe you need to get on twitter. Just sayin.
2. God hates the letter ‘q’
There is no need for it when we have the letters ‘k’ and ‘w’. Words like quick can easily be transformed into kwick. Or quantifiable can now be kwantifiable. Plus it would make all of our lives a heck of a lot easier when playing scrabble. It’s also a fact that the letter Q is not found anywhere in the Bible. Mmm I think. So let’s join God and kwit using the letter Q.
3. God hates ‘baby on board car stickers’**
There you are happily driving along the street doing 100 and steering using your tongue, while you try and think of a good word using the letter q as you play scrabble on your iphone; when you notice the sticker on the car in front of you. Thank goodness for that sticker because I just felt like driving recklessly today. Stickers save lives.
4. God hates ‘not being able to find the start of the sellotape’
There are plenty of other things that God hates like racism, poverty, human trafficking and Aids. But it’s not good to focus too much on those things when we need to worry about people out there who have different opinions than you.
It is worthwhile though I think to remember now and again that God hates a lot of things.
Just don’t kwote me on that.
* at least 73.6% of this post was sarcastic in its tone.
** thanks Brittany